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The Blessings

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Today was a good day. Today was a great day. A day that I know I may have taken for granted had I not had Crohn’s. When I was beginning my Humira, my nurse asked me what I would want to do in remission. The answer was simple: go on a walk with my daughter and play outside.

Indiana was in the 70s today. In February. Everyone took that opportunity to go outside. My husband and I took our daughter to her first park. When we walked up, a huge sign on the bathrooms said CLOSED. It’s February, after all, so most people wouldn’t be playing at the park. For a brief moment, I felt a rush of nerves. What if I had to go to the bathroom? What if I couldn’t hold it? What if I had an accident in front of all the people at the park? It’s a fear that I deal with often. But I was okay. We must have played for an hour. I watched her climb a ladder built for big kids, I went down the slide with her and we went so high on the swings. On two different moments my eyes filled with tears. I’m happy my baby is growing up, but the true reason I got emotional was because I was able to share those moments with her. What an absolute blessing.

Glenn Fray’s doctor put out a statement that the RA and Ulcerative Colitis drugs that are used today cause havoc on the body because it basically removes our immunities. It shuts down the immune system, which shuts off the autoimmune disease. It allowed him to get pneumonia and that, along with other complications, is why he died. But I tell you this, I’d rather have 25 amazing, wonderful years than 50 years in pain, missing moments like today or simply existing. Life is about quality versus quantity. I’ll risk catching something that may kill me, so that in the end I can live. And today, I really, really did.

 

 

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